#but sometimes the worry comes back
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Been looking through some of my old instagram posts, and it brought me a lot of nostalgia, and also a bitter feeling knowing I'll probably never get the same amount of engagement on my art again...
#I really make an effort so that numbers dont affect me#but sometimes the worry comes back#I dont even think is just the engangement and likes what makes me a bit sad#it's the way I lost contact with a lot of mutuals from back in the day#like...what happened? is my art no longer good to them?#anyway; if we're still mutuals; love you ♥︎ thank you for apreciating my art for so long#also I now feel this need to draw digitally because of old drawings. we'll see if this turns into anything#rambling
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If I had to think of Fellow helping Vovó Bucchi with the sewing and Gidel helping her cook (aka cutting veggies and stirring the pot) you do to
HAH! Jokes on you anon! I also like to think about the little routine they would have!
Whether it's Gidel help with the dinner and some chores.... Fellow sewing old clothes or fixing something around the house, and even helping some neighbors! Or them doing the shopping and committing some crimes along the way, you know, common things for a simple little family~ 🤭
#twst#twisted wonderland#ask#!kah art#vovó Bucchi would teach them how to steal like a real Bucchi 😌#found family oh my beloved#THEY'RE A FAMILY YOUR HONOR#i did this instead of sleeping#Can you imagine that before vovó Bucchi would be alone in the house#only sometimes having visits from neighbors and local children#just waiting for Ruggie to come back? But now with these two#she doesn't need to be alone anymore?#AND NOW RUGGIE DOESN'T NEED TO WORRY SO MUCH?? NOW THAT HE KNOWS THAT THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE TAKING CARE OF HER?#ok excuse im gonna cry now#vovó bucchi#grandma bucchi#twst fellow honest#twst gidel#ernesto foulworth#twst gino#I know the heights are all wrong BUT I WAS IN A HURRY SORRY#!kah sketches
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not sure if anyone's done this already but ares when he asks it athena is dead in god games:
#yes im an artist#athena#ares#god games#epic the wisdom saga#epic athena#epic the musical#she is alive dont worry jorge is just very funny like that sometimes#GODDESSESS CANT DIE#athena come back bb i miss you
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#Kunikida Doppo#Bungo Stray Dogs#Doppo Kunikida#Kunikida Doppo BSD#BSD#There must be like 1000 versions of this but the important thing is that it's the Ideals King birthday so here I am 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉#He's missing right now but he'll be back no doubt for his next birthday#Love of my life please come back to us#Another favorite of mine who is a Virgo#It worries me sometimes to think I have a type and it's Virgo ISTJ men#Send help I clearly need it#Kunikida BSD#BSD Kunikida
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Elemental (2023)
#elemental#pixar#elemental movie#ember x wade#animationedit#pixaredit#filmedit#elementaledit#v posts things#v watches elemental#almost forgot this one in my drafts oops#writing the alttext captions is fun because I really get to focus on what they're doing#Wade is really Listening to her#because look at his face. he disagrees with what she's saying#but he doesn't just push back or brush her off#he clearly doesn't think there's anything special about what he does but he doesn't make it about him#it's a subtle difference but i like that he doesn't go like Oh pfft that was nothing and anyway don't feel bad about getting angry#because clearly she admires Something about what he's doing so he doesn't just dismiss it (dismiss her)#and what you're worried about hey sometimes I do that too and here's how i've come to think about it#but it's not like he knows he has the answer either so when she's still huffy and in her head he doesn't push back#Ember is so gd relatable god i love her#she's worked herself up and isn't ready to be reasoned with#but you know the next time she loses her temper that comment's going to pop back up#on animation note i'm still not over Wade's hair IT'S SO COOL#in the 3rd to last gif when he tosses his head and there's the extra strong crash#mwah. beautiful
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there’s something so bittersweet and lovely about fanfic, at it’s core. it’s so impermeable, because it’s so individual. fics don’t get finished. fics get lost because they were typed out and sent to friends, in the 70s, and somewhere along the way someone packed it up in a cardboard box and their kids shuffled it to the attic. websites go down. archives get built, but then people lose faith in the story or the canon or the creator and delete them. you read it at like, 3am, and can’t remember the title months later when you look for it again.
the tiktok these comments are from was lamenting about the loss of a favourite fic—it (the tiktok) had 85k+ likes, and over 700 comments, mostly similar to these. people talking about downloading fics to read on a tablet only for them to disappear the next day. using the wayback machine and combing through results, just to find something they loved. i think it’s sweet because it’s so human—how easily we love something, and how easily we lose it. i used to print out my favourite fics, as a kid—i still have a binder of them, buried under yearbooks and the old journals i kept during those topsy turvy preteen years. i could tell you the overarching plot to a Cardcaptor Sakura fantasy AU i read (and loved; it became my personality for months afterwards) but i can’t remember how it ended, or if it even did. i finally broke down and signed up for an account on AO3 specifically to bookmark an old, old fic that i had read somewhere else, years and years and years ago and found again on AO3 only because i accidentally stumbled on the author here on tumblr (i had only found the fic in the first place all those years ago because of a playlist). i used the same shade of lipstick for years purely because a fic i really liked had the main character apply it (it was a limited edition one at the time; i bought my first one from a ebay seller in the UK at double the retail price, lmao) while the love interest watched them, but i can’t remember the name of it, only how it made me feel (and how, for years afterwards, i would wear that shade whenever i felt like the day had something promising to it).
one of the first anon’s i ever got, in the early days of this tumblr, was someone who asked me if it was okay if they downloaded surrender—and of course it was. of course it is. there was a point, during the final stretch when i was trying to write the last chapter, that i almost lost the entirety of what i had written for that fic—and i mean, it was on AO3 by that stage so it would’ve only set me back a chapter or so, but it goes to show how fragile things can be. how sometimes fics only last in tiny ways—because of the unfinished PDF file someone downloads. The patchy memory of someone’s who’s jumbling it and three other fics together. Because someone wore the same shade of lipstick you mentioned, off-hand, for years afterwards.
(this is a love letter to the silent readers; the silent savers. the lurkers. fandom and the internet at large is made of lurkers (eighty-five thousand likes. seven hundred comments). people who saved fics and waybacked them and will reread them, even uncompleted. telling each other we did a good job, that we liked this or we liked that is wonderful, and fun, and a great (and important) way to build a community and has also given me my current friends—but sometimes something you make will matter and live on in a way you will never, ever know. and it’s just how it is. it’s part of the fun and it’s part of the charm. it’s just how we work as people.)
#floating rubbish island: mermaid spam#shall i do a part two for the opposite end of the spectrum? the readers who tell you as they’re rereading?#the ones that come back to point out details that have stuck with them?#sometimes i worry i don’t give enough to those of us in the community who do that#today i got a comment on surrender and it made my whole day—which otherwise would’ve been spent being miserable trying to sweat out my fever#people are so sweet and i feel so empty-handed for them sometimes#because time is so valuable—people don’t *have* to comment#people don’t *have* to note the tiny details#i share these fics because i *want* to—that is a choice i make knowing that maybe people won’t like it or respond to it#no one asks me to spend the time i do on these fics and so no one owes me for it#which makes the time someone *does* spend commenting or tagging or saying hello even more precious
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@onenicebugperday Bit of an unfortunate update, but not without hope.
A week ago as of posting this, Green Bean Casserole had a pretty severe mismolt. I think they fell and got stuck behind their favorite stick in an awkward position after leaving the exuviae. I only found and assisted them the next morning, but by then their exoskeleton had already hardened up. Thankfully all of their limbs are intact and functional, but, well... The situation is far from ideal, as you’ll see.
At first I was pretty worried they wouldn’t make it; they seemed to be struggling to move around due to the deformity, falling when climbing and generally looking wobbly. I moved them to a different terrarium set up for my flat headed snake Absinthe, both because of the softer substrate and the lack of skinks that might be bold and attempt to take advantage of a weakened mantis. I wasn’t even sure if food would be able to pass through their system, and they had no interest in prey at all, which wasn’t a good sign. However, with some adjustments to the layout of the temporary terrarium I moved them to, they did climb and manage to hang from the lid with some effort. GBC seemed like they were a fighter, and the day after the bad molt they accepted and ate a grasshopper, so I decided to see if I could get them to their next molt and hopefully allow them to recover.
They’ve since adapted to their new shape, and I’ve moved them back to their usual terrarium for easier monitoring and better sun access. They’re climbing and hanging without falling, eating well, and drinking water droplets from the screen lid when I water the terrarium. I’d say they’re about as close to thriving as they could be in this situation! Here’s how they’re looking today. Ignore the escapee grasshopper in the background, its jailbreak was short lived…
I do feel a bit mean for making this comparison, but…
There’s a bit of a resemblance, isn’t there?
#rambling#insects#bugs#praying mantis#mantis#carolina mantis#they’re doing much better than they were#I’m confident they’ll make it to the next molt#really my only worry is whether they’ll be able to successfully complete it with the unusual shape they have#just have to wait and see when the time comes#overall I’d say it’s kinda just business as usual for them: eating bugs and hanging out watching the world below#and getting watered by accident sometimes#the worst that’s happened since the mismolt was being aggressively accosted by a Texas ironclad beetle#which is to say it had climbed onto the lid and slowly meandered up to them#and they responded by trying to smack it away only to end up falling themselves#the beetle was of course unfazed and continued on its way before climbing back down on the other side#life for the cow bugs is slow and simple…
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Goodreads reviews will praise a book to high heaven, talk about the clarity of each character's voice and distinctive POV styles! Hoot on and on about how the twists are insane!
and then when you open up the book, all you find is page after page of plot holes, wildly failed attempts at tension building just to be like OH NEVERMIND right after over and over, and also the worst fortune cookie sayings and "Life is like a box of Chocolate" knock offs you've ever read.
#'TWO WRONGS SOMETIMES MAKE AN UGLY'? 'WORDS DONT COME WITH GIFT RECEIPTS AND YOU CANT TAKE THEM BACK?'#DREAMS CAN ONLY COME TRUE IF WE DARE TO DREAM THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE#EVERY OTHER PAGE I AM NOT EVEN KIDDING YOU!!!! EVERY OTHER PAGE!#written in FULL seriousness like YOU ARE ACTIVELY HARMING YOUR STORY!!! this is neither profound nor impactful! WHY are u DOING THIS#Negative#Book critical#idk how to tag this#ive spent the night subjecting livvy to these and im worried its made its way into how im talking now#i know its midnight. i know. I know. i just. listen#if it were a small book id be like quiet on this but this is getting a NETFLIX show lIKE...
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i feel like i type so much more than is reasonable when i do talk to people but i also don't get to socialize a ton so i just have soooo many words in me and if i'm like, tired or short on time, it is so much harder to restrain to the already-pushing-it point i can sometimes manage ;-;
#txt#i am used to posting long things that are essentially a conversation with myself because i either don't#want to bother others with certain topics or i just am used to anything i have to say really being... worth saying...#so i will sometimes go back and add more tags because i'm still thinking about it after the fact and the gap in time where someone#would have said something to prompt further thought is just. me continuing it with myself. bc i'm still thinking about it.#and then that translates into how i talk to other people where i sometimes feel like i either have too much to say without only#keeping what's of utmost relevant importance#(which is also due to me knowing if i don't say it Right Now Immediately i will forget if it does become relevant again)#so i am expecting people to read too much#and/or i then am not... listening to people? or i come off like im not listening to people?#even though i rly do try to be attentive i just forget sometimes to leave space for other people to talk because i am#used to only talking to myself so much lmaoo so i think i come off like i only want to Talk At people due to how Much i share#and sometimes i probably am not as attentive in convos as i would like to be but i try to be! i just dont know if the balance is there#but i also don't rly know how to be more concise bc of that mix of not wanting to forget and also not wanting to be misunderstood#and being so excited to get contribute etc#anyway there are also a lot of social things i HAVE been neglecting by accident i am so sorry if youve sent me an ask etc#and you've gotten silence i am getting to things slowly ;-;#i just mean moreover in active conversations the way that i act is like. i always worry i am doing something wrong all the time forever#and maybe i would worry less if i could put more of my thought dump energy into observing others more attentively#to get a better read on things lol#me coming back to this post as an example bc i had another thought:#i also type rly fast and my brain goes rly fast so while i do clean up what i say typically#others might find it more convenient to be more concise due to typing slower#whereas i don't think before i type i just type as i think one to one#i lose thoughts otherwise but Thinking Before I Speak is a lost art to me rip#but then if i am talking to people irl or on voice i am so much more reserved. i ramble a lot!!#but it's easier for me to fall back
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sometimes i think about my professor that used to like lowkey have a crush on me (he was at least 55.) last semester and every time i tell my friends about the stuff he did towards me i realize how u incredibly not normal that was
#🎀 - mello talks too much#OKAY NOTHING TOO BAD DONT WORRY#he asked me to take him to the airport one time and drive his car back to his house#he also would stand next to me during tests and just like watch me#like i’m not exaggerating#just WATCH me#at the desk next to me#and then he told me i smelled really good#and then he tried to give me a multitude of answers during the test#and then when i was sitting with my friend he like literally sat on the table i was at and starting talking to me like we are friends#and then he would be like ”he mello TEXT me and remind me to send out homework” like hello?? i’m not texting you??#and one time when i got my haircut he announced to everyone in my lab how he noticed n how good it looked#and NOW i see him sometimes and he steps on my foot and always says hi to me im in front of everyone#and he is so loud#so everyone in my bio class looks at me#also he zipped up my backpack for me like 2 days ago#which doesn’t sound weird but paired with everything else he did#AND THEN he asked for me to come to his field trip with his ecology class#which like#????#what#and he calls me smart like all the time#yeah#he was a strange guy#still see him which is insane#i am totally forgetting more this#things
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Final Fantasy IX and Kingdom Hearts parallels, since we got news for both today:) (The Kingdom Hearts Steam trailer, as well as some KH rumors, and further rumors that the FFIX Remake is happening.)
#final fantasy ix#final fantasy 9#kh#kingdom hearts#zidagger#zidarnet#sokai#parallels#zidane tribal#garnet til alexandros#dagger#sora#kairi#ffix#ff9#kh1#khi#kingdom hearts 1#kingdom hearts i#long post#now sometime i ought to put them with clive and jill. as clive promises jill he'll come back to her...#but ffix didn't come out to long before kh. actually i'm pretty sure kh1 was being worked on as ffix was and you can kind of see that here#also with sora's original design that got changed because they were worried that it would be too close to zidane#i'd actually been planning this for a while. but with the kh news and possible ffix news today it seemed like the perfect time to finally#make this. lol
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idk if saying this means anything, but I really do consider every request that comes in. Realistically I'm not able to honor all of them even though I wish I could🥲
Even if your ask doesn't get answered, I've never gotten a req that made me think "yah I'm not writing that" and chances are it WAS built upon to some extent/I really was excited with it at one point. I start drafting something like 80% of the asks I receive but my energy is just not reliable at all🥲 plus the usual being busybusy with life
#SORRY I GOT A STROKE OF GUILT COMING BACK#tangent incoming ↓#ive only ever gotten sweet anons here 😭😭 honestly it surprises me considering tumblr is infamous for hatemail#but sometimes they sound like they're worried they're bothering me or something (which is never true!)#so I start worrying that every unanswered ask gives the impression that I'm SICK of yall (also not true)#NO COS ONE TIME#one time I privated my blog immediately after receiving an ask and the anon wondered if I got angry over it#let me clarify I would never get angry over an ask & im sorry it came off that way#the more likely scenario is that#your ask made me open tumblr -> i think 'ough i should edit my theme' -> private blog so no one sees me fucking around#😭😭😭😭😭#IF UR STILL AROUND ANON I HOPE U SEE THIS#i did nawt consider how that mightve come across#I never finished your earlypoo request but this weighed on me all this time 💔
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The Bocchi the Rock Recap movies were so much fun. The way they reorganized things and how they cut stuff down without losing much, it was worth the watch.
Using the kessoku band songs that weren't apart of live performances as montage music to cut down the cute girls doing cute things to the important moments without completely losing them was perfect.
And how they used segments from the early episodes as flashbacks, love it.
I can't describe the feeling, getting to the end of the second movie, seeing the shot at the end of Bocchi getting ready to leave home with her new guitar and the movie going to a modified version of the post credits walk down the street where she suddenly stops to think and it starts rewinding EVERYTHING all the way back to the first scene in the entire anime that had been skipped completely in the first movie, of elementary Bocchi being lead away by a teacher.
Oh how far she's come.
#Frin Speaks#Bocchi the Rock#don't want to distract from my thoughts on the movie with random things about the theater going experience of it so I'll drop it in the tag#managed to convince one of my siblings to go see it too. the other was worried about how long it was gonna be with their migraines#I was so anxious of going 'cause it’s the first time I've worn a dress in public and I'd probably have died of a heartattack if I went alon#there was only 4 other people in the theater watching with us. don't know why I was expecting more in Oklahoma of all places#someone did clock what I was wearing when the movies were over tho#I was standing up to put my jacket back on when I heard some dude 3 rows back gasp and whisper excitedly to his friend 'HIROI'#they didn’t say anything to me directly#feel like Bocchi stacking those cd cases on her desk like 'notice me notice me notice me'#sometimes I feel like I've come so far with my social anxiety and other times I feel like I've not changed one bit since I finished school#Oh how far I've come.#and yet so much further to go.
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OUGH thinking about Phillip Morgan's hands as a defining feature of his character.... Phillip tightening the rope that kills Kenneth with his hands... Brandon gently pulling the gloves off of Phillip's hands... Phillip playing the piano with his hands... Phillip opening the champagne bottle for Brandon with his hands... Phillip breaking the glass with his hands... Phillip cutting getting cut on the stem and spreading blood on his hands... Phillip getting his fortune read by his hands... Phillip grabbing and aiming the gun with his hands... "these hands will bring you great fame"
#rope 1948#phillip morgan#sometimes rope just hits you#was thinking again about how phillip always does the actual physical work when it comes to him and brandon#and how brandon pulling the gloves off for him was a momentary reversal#too early in the movie to realize what a reversal it actually was#actually i would kill for a gifset of all the times brandon deferred to phillip because it wasn't many but it was so so real#like when phillip tells him to turn the light off and he does#or any time brandon looks cowed by phillip#because the fact that brandon actually truly cared about phillip was so strange and so touching#his whole act dropping for a second every time he was worried about or offended by phillip#like babe you are a narcissistic murderer who LOVES to be uppity and superior#and yet you drop every pretense when you see phillip is hurt#remember when brandon told phillip to stop drinking and phillip snapped at him#and brandon actually backed down instantly?#i do#and i think about it constantly#their dynamic was sooooooo so interesting#...maybe I need to watch rope again
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Okay this is the *actual* last comment, for real, but I just found out Spider is now smearing me as a convert and accusing me of being involved with drama I was not involved with because he mistakenly attributed my apologies for his public temper tantrum as being about something unrelated.
THIS IS A FALSE ACCUSATION and I do not appreciate having yet another bit of fake malicious intent falsely ascribed to my actions and* attributing a completely unrelated attack to me.
Also, it's very sad and disappointing whenever a Jew gets mad at a convert because something else is going on in the Jew's life and the convert happens to be in the splash zone and the Jew falls over backwards to smear the convert and invalidate her faith.
Just....the childish aggression is making me so, so sad and disappointed, from someone I used to think very highly of, who is now lying about me and publicly smearing me with false accusations based on a conflict he started because he misinterpreted something I said and I went out of my way to give him the benefit of the doubt when trying to clear up the mistake HE MADE that led him to decide bullying and attacking me for three fucking days was appropriate and okay and that I'm the bad guy for saying it's wildly unprofessional to behave like this in public to a former customer face.
Sorry, but facts, reality, linear time and the truth of what I actually said and did are on my side here, and I will not stand for being smeared and attacked and shat all over because I had the gall to try to kindly resolve his uncalled for, unjustified temper tantrum.
I am also not sorry that I left a side note in the tags that it was also unacceptable for HIM to drag his daughter into a stupid internet slapfight based on his own reading comprehension failure. Because it was and is unacceptable, and she needs to hear that message from someone.
End of story. Keep digging that hole as long as you like, Spider. It's not helping your case and is continuing to make you look progressively worse and more unreasonable, and the only person you have to blame is yourself.
youtube
*revised for clarity
#don't buy from nerdykeppie#all receipts are under this tag#if you're so offended because my reporting on the things you say and do makes you look bad maybe the problem is you#this whole thing was completely needless#and yet he is continuing to DARVO me because he's pissed that his usual method of smugly lashing out at people over their poor reading#comprehension doesn't work when it's him who failed to comprehend what I wrote in the first place#also REAL FUCKING INCHRESTING that he's lying about me being involved in the jewvestigation of him so he responds by......jewvestigating me#lol#lashon hara. maybe he should study it sometime.#and maybe he'll learn warning others about poor behavior from a business so they don't waste their money there is not lashon hara#but honestly I doubt it because he's never going to let go of his desperate complex about always being the smartest raddest dude in the roo#it looks pathetic and I think he realizes that or he wouldn't have had such a dramatic extended meltdown over the things *he* said to *me*#I also still find it funny that he has conveniently forgotten to address the whole “hey bud your timeline doesn't add up” part#and I think that's because he knows if he were to address the proof that he didn't remember it correctly he would be forced to admit that h#threw a massive shitfit at someone for no reason because his memory got mixed up#so so funny that he can't come up with an answer for that#almost like! he knows he fucked up bigtime and is scrambling to make himself the victim!#also funny that “worrying about someone who was dragged into a fight by a bully” got twisted into sneakily scheming to turn her against him#I'm not a scheming plotter I'm worried because the behavior you showed your child in public was wildly inappropriate TO HER.#it's sad! It's fucking sad and embarrassing and hypocritical and immature and SAD!#but the pretend me other people are attacking because they made shit up is none of my business#if he wants to keep writing fanfic about me he can go right ahead#because again#the more he talks the worse he looks#the more he digs this hole the deeper he gets mired in his own muck#and it's not my job to bend over backwards to keep him from experiencing the natural consequences of his actions.#I really should learn the lesson that people who are snide assholes in one situation are usually snide assholes across the board#really the worst part is knowing I defended him when he threw tantrums like this before#that's what I regret and feel guilty about: that I backed up his shitty behavior and gave it legitimacuy#that was wrong of me and I'm sorry for every time I jumped in as one of his flying monkeys
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Just a heads up Fella!
They created a new acc
yeah, this is the account they contacted me with recently, sept 18th. a year and one day after they first started harassing me. i talked a little bit abt it a few days after but i finally like. Confronted Them and talked to them and tried to get them to understand how i didn’t want them around me. they apologized and said they understood and wouldn’t bother me again. i have screenshots of the dms but for the time being I’m believing them and keeping them to myself
#the monarch’s court#like if they try to interact w me again I’ll show the screenshots. but if theyre being truthful and will leave me alone im not gonna put th#im not gonna put them on blast. yknow#also i started off Very Fucking Mean in those dms !#a year and one day ! a year and one day exactly !#bc like. also the thing is i was Worried they’d come back around that time. even though i thought I’d finally ip blocked them#and i was hyping myself up like ‘if nothing happens on the 17th i can calm down. it’ll be Over’ and then nothing happened#and then nothing happened ! and i calmed down ! i felt free ! and then the following day they dm me. and frankly i blew the fuck up#wait clarification i did Initially block them. bc i was showing my sibling my art for the anniversary and then that notification popped up#saying they were a big fan.#sometime after that I unblocked them and Blew The Fuck Up at them. bc we can’t both keep doing this#even saying this rn im kinda fucking scared they can see it ! im scared that me talking abt it rn will insence them to talk to me again!#if you can read this: I really really don’t ! please continue leaving me alone !
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